I hesitate to review this beer because it isn't that bad, but it isn't a proper representation of that style. There have been several Kolsch style ales unleashed into Victoria recently. Here is the rundown: Craig Street (bleck, very unlike Craig St. stuff), Nelson Harvest Hemp (meh), Spinnakers Swan-Lake Kolsch (depends on how long it has been in the tank) and now this Phillips thing. If you truly want to make your tastebuds happy, get them a real Kolsch. A true Kolsch is one of those hybrid beers; an ale that has been lagered for a while. This style of beer can be lagered for up to a month. Only certain breweries with the German city of Cologne can call their beers Kolsch. They even have their own glass: a 200ml cylinder called a Stange.

Phillips Analogue 78 = 1/10

Ratebeer 2.2/5  percentile
Beer Advocate No one even bothered

Let me break it down by the BJCP guidelines. Aroma should be very low and perhaps a bit of fruitiness. This Analogue stinks of sulfur, corn and wet grains, best drank cold - very cold. Sulfur in low amounts is OK, but not like this. Drink this one straight from the bottle. A true Cologne Kolsch is a delicate beverage. There are faint fruits, mild spicy noble hops and a very dry finish. On every Seattle trip, I make an effort to pick up a bottle of real Kolsch. The Analogue mouthfeel is oily and chewy. I can't quite put my finger on the flavour, perhaps a recently dry-cleaned wet blanket. Don't forget the cereal, lettuce and musty/skunky hops. I shouldn't have left this beer warm up. There is still one bottle in my fridge; if anyone wants it let me know. Call this brew a cream or blonde ale and don't taint the noble German name.

Taste 0
Aftertaste 0
Alcohol Content 0 5%
Value 0
Appearance +1 (fun Edwardian/Steampunk label)

Other Kolsch Reviews
Gaffel Kolsch
Reissdorf Kolsch
Hale's Ales Kolsch Style

Today I had a choice. We always have a choice, that is if you believe in free will. I do not. A random series of events placed me in front of a row of beer coolers after work. The illusion of choice was the 2011 Driftwood Satori or the Phillips Eternal Optimist. If my choice was truly free, I would have asked the guy behind the desk to grab me a bottle of Grand River Russian Gun Imperial Stout! Sadly this did not happen, so I set the thinking cogs in motion.
My palate was in an abused frame of mind. So it chose the Phillips. Odd, I have never been to Stockholm. The next question you might ask is why not purchase both? I only had room on my bicycle for one bottle; again lack of free choice.

Phillips Eternal Optimist = 1/10

There was great optimism as I viewed this beer in the glass. The colour was clear, go lden and the aroma was very inviting. It was a mixture of pine, floral and faint cotton candy sweetness. The first sip revealed a medium body beer, ample carbonation and a slight astringency. Shit, I chose wrong. Yes, I know DMS is permissible in lagers. Not this much. The cabbage and lettuce coated the tongue with a mild thickness. Next the pine astringency took hold with no malt backbone to restrain it. Just when things couldn't get better, soapiness. A lingering of astringent pine, soap and would not go away. This was not really a bad beer, like say Fischer, but it wasn't great either.

Taste 0
Aftertaste -1
Alcohol Content +1 6%
Value 0
Appearance +1 Cool label and fun name.

I can only imagine what everyone is thinking about me right now. There is a very good reason for me drinking this beer; I was under a great deal of pressure. The family was visiting Ontario Place for some quality time. In case anyone was wondering, it was a lot of fun for the six year old. Anyways, back to the beer. We stopped for lunch and there was nothing decent to drink on the menu: all macro brews. The Misses insisted that I get something, so I choose the Molson Export. It is something we can't get on the west coast.

Molson Export = 1/10
Ratebeer 2.33 13th percentile
Beer Advocate C+

Luckily this pale yellow swill was served ice cold so there was no nose. Yup its a macro: big tongue confusing carbonation hit was followed by a one-two punch of cheap honey and corn syrup. The slight citrus hop snap at the finish was the only reason this did not score a zero. No aftertaste.

Taste +2
Aftertaste 0
Alcohol Content -1 4.9%
Value 0
Appearance 0

Milwaukee's Best
Canadian Cold Shots
Molson Old Style Pilsner

Paulaner Oktoberfest Marzen

Rate Beer 3.3 82nd percentile
Beer Advocate B+

Taste +1

I must have gotten a dud beer, this one smelled awful. The nose was skunk (mild) and vegetables, but not too bad. My sips were somewhat pleasant with grasses, green apple, honey and a slight effervescence. It had a very pale taste and certainly easy to quaff back a few.

Aftertaste 0

Not much there; it just vanished clean.

Alcohol Content 0 5.8%

There was no hint of alcohol at all; no warmth either.

Value 0

It was a very drinkable, but boring, beer.

Ingame Enhancement 0


Still in Seattle, but not loving this beer.

Overall 1/10

I know the Oktoberfest style is supposed to be a mild, drinkable beer, but this thing was bland. Maybe I did get a dud bottle; I dumped most of it down the drain. Life it too short to drink bad beer.

Buckerfields Lederhosen Lager
Coney Island Freaktoberfest

Big Rock Lager

I had a glass of this beer knowing that I would never buy a six pack of this stuff. The tap list just said Big Rock Lager, so I just it is the XO lager.

Ratebeer 2.21 9th percentile
Beer Advocate C-

Taste +1

Technically it is beer. The nose was absent; maybe grass and vegetal. Oddly the taste was also absent. There was just enough grass and vegetal to give the illusion of body and flavour.

Aftertaste 0

It was clean with just the bare minimum of resinous hops to coat the tongue.

Alcohol Content 0 5%

Value 0

As I mentioned before, it was beer.

Ingame Enhancement 0

Still learning about the Victoria Seals and Christie's Pub.

Overall 1/10

There is a time and a place for a beer like this. We all know that time and occasion. Luckily I will never find myself in those situations.

Archibald Ciboire IPA

Ratebeer 2.85 25th percentile
Beer Advocate B+

Taste +1

This was not a great beer. Its nose was ripe with caramel and vegetal. The high carbonation gave a very mineral taste. It was creamy with a medium mouthfeel, but more like a amber ale. I never really noticed a hop presence.

Aftertaste -1

After the creaminess left the hop bite was minimal at best. The hops were a little soapy.

Alcohol Content 6% +1

Value 0

This was a very lackluster and uninspired beer. Very overpriced at $10 a 500ml can. I don't think I would pay $1 for this swill again.

Ingame Enhancement 0

I had this beer in the Quebec house at the 2010 Olypmic Games. At least the floor show was excellent.

Overall 1/10

I'm not sure if I got a bad can, or it got too warm, but this beer stank. For an IPA there was no hop bite and lame, tired malts. I would rate Alexander Keith's a better IPA than this.

Brew Free or Die IPA
Sergeant's IPA
Red Racer IPA

Isenbeck Dark
Dunkel

Ratebeer 2.53 16th percentile
Beer Advocate B

I tried this brew on tap at Passeros Greek restaurant in Victoria. Not certain why a Greek restaurant had a German beer on tap. BTW the food was excellent with a large selection of vegetarian options. The place was full of regulars and the waiter knew almost everyone by name.

Taste +2

It is a standard dark Euro lager. The nose is faint of roast, dark malts and fermented fruits. The nice and fizzy brew delivers the required light milk chocolate and roast. I liked the silky mouthfeel; but then again who doesn't.

Aftertaste 0

It had an odd menthol coolness at the end. The barest of hop bite upon exit. There was maybe a bit of light caramel and toffee too.

Alcohol Content -1 4.8%

Value 0

It was good but not overly flavourful.

Ingame Enhancement 0

No gaming tonight, but I did go and see The Princess and the Frog. It was a good, old fashion Disney with simple animation, singing and dancing. One of the main characters bites it in the end thought.

Overall 1/10

It was decent dunkel beer; sweet and malty were the main flavours. Nothing really exciting.

Baron Bohemian
Warsteiner Dunkel
Dunkel Weiss (Great Divide)

Coney Island - Freaktoberfest

Ratebeer 2.77 26th percentile
Beer Advocate C+

This is marketing hype at its best. The label was cool, ABV set at 6.66% and it was released around Halloween. Hopefully the taste is good at the hype.

Taste +1

Shocking, the brew poured the colour of cheap horror movie blood red. There must be some beet juice in there. This is not going well, the nose is oddly vacant but barely pale malt. The taste is a vague hop soup with a vague malt blend carried on a medium-full mouthfeel. Too hard to pin down one particular flavour.

Aftertaste 0

It was a slightly astringent tart finish but it was very vague.

Alcohol Content +1 6.66%

Bonus points for picking a spooky number.

Value 0

It was not bad, but with the $5 I could have bought 3 Belgians. At least some of the money goes to charity.

Ingame Enhancement 0

This was the last beer of the night and I don't think I finished it.

Overall 1/10

It is great for the novelty and shock value, but don't buy it for the taste.

Race Rocks Amber Ale (Lighthouse brewing)

This seems to be standard beer in every pub in Victoria. I had this at the Penny Farthings and gave it quite a low review. There was one in my fridge, so I gave it another try. The score only slightly improved

Ratebeer 3.03 43rd percentile
Beer Advocate B+

Taste +1

There were mildly, roasty and nut flavours to this malt forward beer. The nose in the pub consisted of fermented fruit (aka vomit). At home you could notice caramel and roast in the nose, but still very sweet. The colour is a striking dark copper colour, one might have expected more flavour. There was also the bareness of fruit flavours, it seems a littel watery.

Aftertaste 0

There was a vague hoppy ting at the end; it sure didn't last long. Your mouth was left with a flavourless milky feeling.

Alcohol Content 0 5.2%

Value 0

At the pub I gave it a -1 and almost sent it back. It tasted OK at home, but I would not buy it.

Ingame Enhancement 0

Still at the Penny Farthing. I know I have sampled quite a few beers, but they were all glasses and my buddy drove me home.

Overall 1/10

It is beer. I would rather get this breweries Keepers Stout; a very good dry stout.

Newcastle Brown Ale

Ratebeer 3.04 49th percentile
Beer Advocate B-

Taste +2

You get a faint caramel malt sweetness in the nose. There is a little added roast with the taste. An unexpected astringent hoppiness is at the finish.

Aftertaste 0

Very clean and uneventful

Alcohol Content -1 4.7%

Value 0

I had this on tap at the Penny Farthing Pub. It was very drinkable but not interesting.

Ingame Enhancement 0

No gaming; RL friend for a change.

Overall 1/10

Drink this one if there is nothing else available

Warsteiner Dunkel (Germany)

Ratebeer 3.04 48th percentile
Beer Advocate B-

I left out the 'premium' in the title for reasons very apparent if you ever try this beer.

Taste +1

Take everything a great Dunkel should be. A rich nose of caramel malt, green apples with a nice balance of aromatic bitter hops and a healthy dose of carbonation; then add water. I'm sure this beer has some flavour somewhere. The label actually says 'hop extract'.

Aftertaste 0

For an aftertaste there first must be a taste.

Alcohol Content -1 4.8%

Value 0

At least it was cheap. A 500ml can was under $3.

Ingame Enhancement +1

This dish water of a beer did not distract me from finishing a L4D map with Aqualung.
Overall 1/10

Technically it was beer. There is some German printing on the front of the can; I sure it says, "I can't believe you bought this beer, sucker!"

Molson Old Style Pilsner

Ratebeer 1.98 6th percentile
Beer Advocate C-

Taste +1

The nose was non-existent. If I had to make one up, I would say there was slight aromatic hops and ice. Like all the other beers in this review, you get the standard corn and malt sweetness, followed by an uneventful hop and carbonation bite. Not really a bite, more like a gumming from kittens. Overall not bitter and not sweet; actually not anything at all.

Aftertaste 0

It just vanished.

Alcohol Content 0 5%

Nothing to see here; move along.

Value 0

It was cheap, $10 for a six pack. I would prefer to drink tap water instead.

Ingame Enhancement 0

I have this great habit of drinking one glass of water after each beer. This is my hangover cure; keep hydrated. Sadly, I put my water glass down next to my beer glass.....
Overall 1/10

I think Francis said it best, "I hate white rabbits".
Back to 100th Review

Molson Canadian Cold Shots

Rate beer 1.52 2nd percentile
Beer Advocate D+

This is a sad day for Canadian brewing; beer in a Red Bull can.

Taste +1

Technically it is beer. When it is ice cold there is almost no flavour; this is a good thing. As it warms up you get the nose of honey, grass and cardboard. This one reminds me of a sweeter version of regular Canadian. A light lager with added corn syrup. Heavy on the carbonation.

Aftertaste 0

Very quick and clean finish, thank God.

Alcohol Content 0 6%

Value 0

I picked this up singly for $1.80 for 250ml. Available by itself at slummier CBAW stores.

Ingame Enhancement 0

I actually can't remember drinking it; it was gone so quick.

Overall 1/10 BLECK

This beer is a novelty and good for one thing only; sneaking into venues and getting teenagers drunk fast. I might hide a few around my house and yard in case of such an emergency.

I am a big fan of this local brewery. Their 650ml limited edition brews are worth trying. Recently we reviewed the Hammer Stout, which was excellent. To everyone's delight, the Double Dragon Imperial Red Ale is currently in finer CBAW outlets.

Phillips Slipstream Cream Ale

Ratebeer 2.72 24th percentile
Beer Advocate B-

Taste +1

Well at least it is beer. The nose is reminiscent of acidic vomit. The taste is just as the label says; a creamy tasting ale with hints of cashew nuttiness. You also are treated to a nice wash of malt and toffee sweetness and only the slightest hint of hop bitterness.

Aftertaste 0

Finishes quick and clean

Alcohol Content 0 5%

Standard box beer alcohol conent here.

Value 0

Meterman picked up a six pack for about $15. I will probably have made a different choice next time

Ingame Enhancement 0

The zombies were safe tonight. We just sat and watched the kids do circles around the couch. After an hour of that they moaned like tired zombies.

Overall 1/10

The must be something good I can say about this beer... If you are going to a BBQ and don't want to look odd, bring ths beer. It is better than Blue and more recognizable than Hoegaarden.

Flavius: Left 4 Dead is great; you get to play both sides!
Meterman: Just like last weekend, skippy.
F:Huh? I got to be a Boomer and throw up all over people.
M: Just like last weekend, Chuck.
F: Under my feet. I as played as a Hunter and jumped on people and tried to tear their clothes off.
M: Aren't you forgetting the restraining order from last weekend.
F: Hmm. The best part was being the Smoker and wagging my tongue around.
M: Just like you are doing right now, witch.
F: At least I thought I was playing L4D last weekend..

Tin Whistle Chocolate Cherry Porter (Penticton, BC)

This is smaller brewery in BC, which has a lot of beer in most liquor and cold beer and wine stores.

Taste +1

There was a small nose of chocolate malt. The taste is just like the label states. This brew is a standard, slightly bitter porter with mild tastes of dark chocolate and cherries. There is just a little hint of sweetness.

Aftertaste 0

The only taste left was a slight dark chocolate bitterness.

Alcohol content 0 5.5%

Value 0

It costs about $5 for 650ml, so it is not the greatest value.

Ingame Enhancement 0

My parents were in town so couldn't play L4D. I didn't want to explain to them why their son was playing ultraviolent zombie video games soon after reading his little girl bedtime stories. But I did get to watch Terry Jenkins beat Phil Taylor on the 2007 World Matchplay of darts, which was the next best thing.

Overall 1/10

If you are into flavoured porters or want to try something a little different, this beer might be for you. I wouldn't buy it again.