Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Flavius Goes on Vacation

F: Meter I am so excited, I'm going on vacation to a Female erotic themed island.
M: Ha, I can't believed you fell for the oldest travel joke around. The island is pronounced LezBoss and it is only a petrified forest.
F: Dang, maybe I should stay home, I never have a pleasant vacation.
M: It is always your own fault; last time you wore your I Plane NY T-shirt to the Airport!
F: I thought it would lighten the mood.
M: And never bring potpourri in your carry-on luggage.
F: I see your point, and don't say "drug mule" as your occupation.
M: Right. When you are being searched up the Hershey trail don't whistle U2 songs.
F: Which ones, "Still haven't found what you are looking for" or "Where the streets have no names"?
M: Neither and don't sing "The boys are back in town" either.
F: Maybe I should stick to beer reviews.


This beer surprised me. Usually I am not keen about foreign light beers, but this one was unusually good. Produced by the Staropolski Brewery in Poland, this brew claims to contain organically grown ingredients. I'm not sure if that is true, because it says "BS" on the label.

M: Dude, they do not alter the logo with the other translations, Browar Staropolski.

Taste +4

As I said before, it is very light lasting, but not too light. Flavours of honey, mandarin oranges and other citrus fruit are plentiful. There is no bitterness at all.

Aftertaste +2

A full mouthful leaves a very slight tanginess that quickly vanishes.

Alcohol 6% +1

Hardly noticeable at all.

Value +1

This is one nice beer; 500ml for $2.20 at BCLS.

Ingame enhancement +1

We never played Call of Duty this night. I did manage to beat Meterman at Gran Turismo Prologue. Anytime I beat Meterman is a good day.


This beer almost gets top marks. The more I think about this beer, the more I want to go and have one right now. Certainly one to keep in your fridge to impress friends. If your friends are not impressed by this beer, get new friends. Keep the beer.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Getting Smart with 3 Beers

F: Meterman I grow weary of you and your supposed superior intellect.
M: Compared to you it is not supposed.
F: Ah, I actually comprehended that statement, you melancholy weasel.
M: Jumping Jimmy Christmas, what did you take.
F: A whole handful of nootropics: Piracetam, DMAE, Ginkgo biloba and Phosphatidylserine.
M: Satan's bunions! They must be working even your speech has hyperlinks.
F: Cower in fear before the wrath of my enhanced lexicon. I can perceive my cognitive ability expanding like a cosmic big bang.
M: Stephen Hawking would be so proud, how long is this going to last?
F: Based upon my genetic enzymatic metabolism potential and dose, about 2 hours.
M: That might be too long. Why don't you review these latest beers, they are a request from Painkiller.
F: I shall provide my authoritative perspective about these fine ales influenced by the erstwhile English Colonial Empire.
M: Where are you getting all these words, you got a thesaurus over there?
F: I imbibed this prolific lexicon through passive audio stimulation.
M: eh?
F: I listen to Rex Murphy on CBC while waiting at my therapist's office
M: Start the beer reviews Einstein.
F: Actually it was his wife.

Phillips Black Toque IPA

This one of three India Pale Ales that the Phillips Brewery produces. I think they all taste very similar.

Taste +1

This one is heavy on the hoppy side, although not as pronounced as the other two IPA's. There is a hoppy bitterness that coats the mouth, but it is nicely balanced by a light molasses sweetness.
There are mild flavours of bing cherries.

Aftertaste -1

The residual bitterness makes you want to go and brush your teeth

Value 0

I wouldn't go out and buy this beer again. Its just under $5 for 650ml.

Alcohol Content +1 6.5%

If you can't say anything nice... In this case I can, it is over 6%.

Ingame Enhancement -1

This brew kept me wincing at the bitterness and caused me to lose flow.

0/10 Pwnage not in a good way

This one is sure to be a cult beer favourite. If you want to try it at home; mix any hoppy IPA half and half with Herman's Dark Lager. Or better still; drink the Hermans and pour the IPA into your plant.

Phillips Original IPA and Amnesiac Double IPA

These two will be reviewed together because the tastes are so close.

Taste 0

Too hoppy to be enjoyable. The smell of this one hits you six inches before the fluid splashes over your tongue.

M: I bet you know that feeling.
F: Hey check under your feet.
M:Below me?
F: Exactly

Aftertaste 0

There is a long, lingering of bitter hoppiness that fades into apricots. This stuff coats your mouth like a dental dam.

Alcohol content Original 6.5% and Double IPA 8.5%! +1

There is no alcohol taste at all. Actually nothing else but hops is detectable.

Value 0

The double IPA is available for about $4.50 for 650ml and the Original comes $13 for a 6pack. I could think of money better spend in another aisle. Stock up on Unibroue 17 before they are all gone.

Ingame enhancement -1

I spent most of my time trying to scrape the flavour off my tongue with a razor.

0/10 Pwnage not in a good way

If you like big IPA's, then these are the beers for you. You might as well call them Original and Original SXT (Same eXact Thing). The only difference I could notice was the alcohol content.

F: Cursed foul ethanol, I feel a curtain dropping, shrouding my intellect in...uh the dark
M: Alcohol, the cause and solution to all of life's problems
F: NOOO..As a Canadian Canuck.. I eh first that such as the Iraq and the South Africa. We should buy them maps to make a better future for the children.
M: Much better.