Showing posts with label -4. Show all posts
Showing posts with label -4. Show all posts

Friday, July 15, 2011

Alexander Keiths Harvest Ale

I have to cull some of the beer in my fridge. There will be many more new arrivals after I return from the Oregon brewers festival next week. Must make room for more. In case anyone is wondering, this was left in the fridge by my father. If has been a really long time since I ripped apart a beer, so sorry Mr Keith, your time is up.

Alexander Keith's Harvest Ale -4/10

Beer Advocate B- (are you serious?)

The nose is just stale roasted peanuts, maybe a bit of waxy chocolate and cheap canned fruit salad. There is too much fizz and slickness in the mouthfeel to be pleasant. It just coats everything and will not scrub off. If you have tasted one Keiths beer you have tasted them all. This swill has a touch of caramel with gas station pecans and stale dried fruits. Most of the bottle was poured out. At least it didn't smell like vomit. I am trying to find something nice to say about this beer; wait I found something. It is union made.

Taste -1
Aftertaste -1
Alcohol Content 0 5.3%
Value -1
Appearance -1

Monday, May 18, 2009

Rolling Rock Light

Rolling Rock Light (a.k.a. Flat, piss beer)

Ratebeer 1.65 3rd percentile
Beer Advocate D

Taste -2

The nose actually reminded me of dilute urine, wet hair and a frat party. It tasted vaguely of honey and wheat. I actually thought that I had grabbed my 5 year olds apple juice by mistake. Why am I tasting peanut butter? I should have stuck with the apple juice.

Aftertaste 0

I'm glad there was none.
Alcohol Content -1 3.6%

I think there was more alcohol in the stir-fry at lunch.

Value -1

This is what they served during the managers reception at the hotel we stayed in. If you factor in the $180 per night room charge, we got rocked.

Ingame Enhancement 0

I think this beer made quite a splash in the plant I dumped it in.

Overall -4/10 Do we have a foghorn sound anywhere?

I'm glad the manager was not there; I would have poured this beer down his pants.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Pacific Pilsner (100th review)

Pacific Pilsner (Pacific Western Brewing)

Ratebeer 1.41 1st percentile
Beer Advocate D

Taste -2

With a nose of cheap pilsner (corn, newspaper and stale beer), you know the taste is not going to be pretty. As expected, it tastes like carbonated water with a faint hint of high fructose corn syrup and bitter hops.

Meterman: This stuff just tastes like bitter water!

Aftertaste 0

With no taste there can be no aftertaste. Thank goodness.

Alcohol content 0 5%

No redeeming qualities here.

Value -1

It is cheap, a six pack is under $8. You do get what you pay for.

Ingame Enhancement -1

Flavius plugged his nose and chugged. Meterman dumped his down the sink.

Overall -4/10

I believe this is the lowest rating we have given. This beer is meant to be shotgunned. It is a vehicle for ethanol in a socially acceptable form; if your society is a trailer park down by the river.
Back to 100th review

Thursday, December 4, 2008

La Binchoise Brune - Belgian

Flavius: Hey Meter, we got fan mail.
Meterman: Must be for me.
F: "Dear Clan ARC, I think your reviews are crap. You only give positive reviews;therefore, you must be puppets of the industry. I hope you catch a horrible disease for your disservice to your readers, your country and the world. In closing you suck. Love Anon.
P.S. Meterman don't forget to bring home some bread for the family dinner Sunday.
P.S.S. Flavius you double suck."
M: Aren't Mom's great.

La Binchoise Brune - Belgium

It is rare to find a beer that I don't like..

Taste -3

This beer tastes like burnt malt and BBQ'ed cherries. It had so much carbonation that I thought someone sat on my bottle and farted. Its nose was similar to composting apricots.
Meterman: It was like chewing on the salty side of a BBQ'ed steak.

Aftertaste -1

None what so ever, thank goodness. There was the slight tinging of a mesquite campfire.

Alcohol +1 8.2%

I had to find at least one good thing to say about this beer. You sure could taste the alcohol.

Value -1

It cost about $3 for a 330ml stubby bottle. Did I mention it tasted like toothpaste made with bacon and burnt hair.

Ingame Enhancement -1

I had to brush my teeth and pour this crap down the toilet. On the plus side, it did shatter my palate and Labatt Blue tastes great now.

Overall -5/10 Brewed with dead insects

I should have know that any beer with a bunch of mimes with stupid mustaches and green glasses on the bottle should be avoided.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Trappist Achel Blond (Belgium)

Trappist Achel Blond beer

I had big hopes for this beer. It came highly recommended by the guy at Bottleworks. Or maybe he said don't take this swill it tastes like expensive camel piss. I forget.

Taste -2

Now I remember what he said. This beer was like drinking moonshine from your uncles garage. Except in this case your uncle threw in a few tablets of bubbly Eno to be funny. It was fizzy, bland and harsh tasting. There was a surprising lack of flavour.

Aftertaste -1

It was too fizzy and produced trucker like belches. You do NOT want to taste this beer twice. Aftertaste was rather like sawdust.

Alcohol content +1 8%

I felt that I was obligated to say something positive about this beer.

Value -1

You couldn't pay me to drink this again. I only drank it because I drove it 300miles. I should have driven it back.

Ingame Enhancement -1

Blech! I never played this night. I was too busy brushing my tongue.

Overall -4/10

I doubt zombies would drink this stuff. I might stock a bottle or two; it might be useful to scare off the undead. Perhaps I may have gotten a bad bottle or just don't like Belgian Blonde beers, because it got a high rating on beer advocate.