Fort Garry Dark Ale

Ratebeer 2.79 27th percentile
Beer Advocate C+

Located in beautiful Winnipeg, the Fort Garry Brewing Company has been producing this dark ale for the enjoyment of all Manitobans. This is one more reason why I have no plans to visit this cold rock of a province.

Taste -1

The nose was ever so slight of roast and digested fruit (aka. vomit). No surprise to me the taste is no better; thin demerara sugar, acid and brunt white bread.

Aftertaste -1

The lingering was too acidic and tasted of golden pancake syrup.

Alcohol Content 0 5%

There really is nothing redeeming about this beer.

Value 0

It wasn't too bad; thankfully I never bought it.
Ingame Enhancement -1

I never played a lot this night because I had to leave to brush my teeth. The flavours would not get out of my mouth. When I finally returned, all the other players had gone to bed.

Overall -3/10

May I suggest we start a telethon to raise funds and send good beer the Manitoba?

Hitachino Nest XH (-3)
Rolling Rock Light (-4)
Pacific Pilsner (-4)

Rolling Rock Light (a.k.a. Flat, piss beer)

Ratebeer 1.65 3rd percentile
Beer Advocate D

Taste -2

The nose actually reminded me of dilute urine, wet hair and a frat party. It tasted vaguely of honey and wheat. I actually thought that I had grabbed my 5 year olds apple juice by mistake. Why am I tasting peanut butter? I should have stuck with the apple juice.

Aftertaste 0

I'm glad there was none.
Alcohol Content -1 3.6%

I think there was more alcohol in the stir-fry at lunch.

Value -1

This is what they served during the managers reception at the hotel we stayed in. If you factor in the $180 per night room charge, we got rocked.

Ingame Enhancement 0

I think this beer made quite a splash in the plant I dumped it in.

Overall -4/10 Do we have a foghorn sound anywhere?

I'm glad the manager was not there; I would have poured this beer down his pants.

Holsten Premium

Ratebeer 2.42 14th percentile
Beer Advocate C+

Taste +1

Nose of nothing. First taste slaps up a weak pale malt finished with lifeless hops. There was maybe a slight pepper taste for a change of pace. No I did not cut and paste from the other reviews

Aftertaste +1

Now this was a change. There actually was a lingering malt sweetness balanced with a floral hop.

Alcohol Content 0 5%

Cut and paste.

Value +1

This does get bonus points for being the cheapest thing in the liquor store. You can get a 500ml can for less than a toonie! I think this is even cheaper than a reusable shopping bag. That means you can return 20 empties and get a beer!

Overall 3/10

I would return another two or three empties and get the Maibock or Festbock instead.
Back to 100th Review

Molson Old Style Pilsner

Ratebeer 1.98 6th percentile
Beer Advocate C-

Taste +1

The nose was non-existent. If I had to make one up, I would say there was slight aromatic hops and ice. Like all the other beers in this review, you get the standard corn and malt sweetness, followed by an uneventful hop and carbonation bite. Not really a bite, more like a gumming from kittens. Overall not bitter and not sweet; actually not anything at all.

Aftertaste 0

It just vanished.

Alcohol Content 0 5%

Nothing to see here; move along.

Value 0

It was cheap, $10 for a six pack. I would prefer to drink tap water instead.

Ingame Enhancement 0

I have this great habit of drinking one glass of water after each beer. This is my hangover cure; keep hydrated. Sadly, I put my water glass down next to my beer glass.....
Overall 1/10

I think Francis said it best, "I hate white rabbits".
Back to 100th Review

Pacific Pilsner (Pacific Western Brewing)

Ratebeer 1.41 1st percentile
Beer Advocate D

Taste -2

With a nose of cheap pilsner (corn, newspaper and stale beer), you know the taste is not going to be pretty. As expected, it tastes like carbonated water with a faint hint of high fructose corn syrup and bitter hops.

Meterman: This stuff just tastes like bitter water!

Aftertaste 0

With no taste there can be no aftertaste. Thank goodness.

Alcohol content 0 5%

No redeeming qualities here.

Value -1

It is cheap, a six pack is under $8. You do get what you pay for.

Ingame Enhancement -1

Flavius plugged his nose and chugged. Meterman dumped his down the sink.

Overall -4/10

I believe this is the lowest rating we have given. This beer is meant to be shotgunned. It is a vehicle for ethanol in a socially acceptable form; if your society is a trailer park down by the river.
Back to 100th review

Molson Canadian Cold Shots

Rate beer 1.52 2nd percentile
Beer Advocate D+

This is a sad day for Canadian brewing; beer in a Red Bull can.

Taste +1

Technically it is beer. When it is ice cold there is almost no flavour; this is a good thing. As it warms up you get the nose of honey, grass and cardboard. This one reminds me of a sweeter version of regular Canadian. A light lager with added corn syrup. Heavy on the carbonation.

Aftertaste 0

Very quick and clean finish, thank God.

Alcohol Content 0 6%

Value 0

I picked this up singly for $1.80 for 250ml. Available by itself at slummier CBAW stores.

Ingame Enhancement 0

I actually can't remember drinking it; it was gone so quick.

Overall 1/10 BLECK

This beer is a novelty and good for one thing only; sneaking into venues and getting teenagers drunk fast. I might hide a few around my house and yard in case of such an emergency.

Flavius:This was an impulse buy at a lower end CBAW. I also bought a Canadian Cold Shots; a new personal low for myself. The best part was both beers cost me under $5.
Meterman: I can not believe you bought beer in a Red Bull can.
F: I'm a sucker for fun flashing packaging
M: You are just like a @#$@#$ crow! You know that!
F: I prefer to say easily visually enticed.
M: Hey, let me drop this flashing red LED on the floor..
F: OH OH OH, what is this ..soo cool, must have it..
M: great a zombie crow.


Shaftebury Four Twenty Brilliant Lager

Ratebeer 2.43 15th percentile
Beer Advocate B- WTF?? B-


Taste 0

The nose was very faint, maybe cream corn, grass and maraschino cherry sweetness. The taste was very hollow but much like the nose. There were hints of honey, grains and grass. A very tasteless beer.

Aftertaste -1

It was very dry and clean, but left a residual bitter aftertaste. I enjoy a bitter aftertaste when there is initial flavour to warrant it.

Alcohol Content 0 5%

Value 0

Although it was $3 for 473ml, I still wouldn't buy it again.

Ingame Enhancement +1

It does provide ethanol that is unobtrusive to gameplay. It says 'no preservatives' on the can; perhaps they should have added some to give it flavour.

Overall 0/10 BLECK

Maybe a summer beer. Only if they are sold out of Corona and every other kind of beer, including Old English!

Red Stripe Lager (Jamaica)
Beer Advocate C
Rate beer 2.21 10th Percentile


I have seen this beer almost everywhere. We bought this one an impulse at a CBAW. This decision is further proof that you should never visit a CBAW after have a few; especially without a list.

Taste +1

I am sounding like a broken record now, but this tastes like every other imported lager. Hmmm lets rattle off the list; light flavours of honey, corn and fresh cut grass. This one had a slight metallic bite to it. Oh, I almost forgot it was far too carbonated.

Aftertaste 0

The lingering bitterness that followed the sweet honey was also to be expected. Luckily it finished clean.

Alcohol Content -1 4.7%

Holy @$@#, this is a surprise, it is less than 5%.

Value -1

You get 6x330ml stubbie bottles for about $12. You could have bought a 6 pack of Blue, used a felt marker to put a red stripe on the can and never known the difference. You would have also saved a few bucks and reduced your carbon footprint.

Ingame Enhancement +1

Well, I did have fun playing SingStar for PS3 with an old University buddy, this helped dull the pain of getting rocked by drinking crappy beer.

Overall 0/10 BLECK

I'm done wasting words.

DA! Now for something completely different, Baltika #3; a classic Russian beer. At least that is what the label states.

Taste +1

It is very hard to describe the tasting of this beer because it doesn't seem to have one. Lets say it is mildly hoppy; kinda like a watered down Belgian.

Meterman says "Wow, this beer is bland!"

Aftertaste 0

When there is no taste how can there be an aftertaste.

Alcohol Content 0 6-4%

At 4.8%, you can hardly call this brew a heavyweight, but at least you can't taste the alcohol.

Value 0

At least it was cheap at $2.50 for 500ml.

Ingame Enhancement -1

The delta took a hit, the wallet took a hit and the liver took a hit; all for no taste at all.

Overall Rating 0

A pleasant coating of hops that quickly vanishes.
Meterman says, "The label says no preservatives. Maybe they should of added some; it might have preserved the flavour."
Generally beers are not distilled. It tastes like this one was.